due to a couple of sources (one of them being watching "nick and nora's infinite playlist" on redbox), there has been this idea that i've been thinking a lot about lately. hold on tight we're talking about
relationships
here. namely, how much we suck at getting into them, and maintaining them.
why do we get into romantic relationships? it is seeming more and more to me like an entirely selfish endeavor. not that anyone has an intentional desire to hurt other people when they pursue a relationship with them, but the reasons for getting into the relationship is trying to feel some immediate need you have for yourself (i'm talking mostly about the physical nature, but emotions count here too). this is what drives us to
use
other people. what i have found to be the main and ultimate reason people do this (feel free to comment about other reasons you can think of) is loneliness. people are just not made to be alone, God didn't create us to be that way (see Genesis 2).
but how does one appease their loneliness without getting into a romantic relationship with someone that they shouldn't? it is so hard to say no to someone who genuinely cares about you, even if you don't feel the same way. and when you give in... for a brief moment that lonliness (sometimes coupled with low self-esteem) is gone. instead of waiting for God's perfect person that he wants for us, we try to make it happen ourselves by taking (no offense to that person) a cheap substitute for true love, a right now, self-gratifying, temporary affection. it's like taking chicken nuggets now, when, if you wait five minutes, you could have a steak! people have this kind of philosophy that can best be summed up in a song by the avett brothers:
"and i guess i might have made a few mistakes
but maybe that's exactly what it takes
to get a little happy in this big sad world"
sorry if you were looking for some kind of solution or closure here. i simply can't give it to you. i'm not one with answers, but i could probably come up with a dozen more questions. i suppose that's one of the things that makes me a good researcher in psychology, there's always a question i want answered. but here is one hunch/solution to the problem of lonliness: maybe, just maybe, we can all cling to Jesus and to being a servant to our brothers and sisters so that they will feel loved and we won't be lonely anymore. it seems just crazy enough to work. and we are all lonely, if we're honest, but that is not how we should feel as followers of Jesus. and now i am determined to leave an encouraging quote from, yes, mwY:
"Why burn poor and lonely?
Under a bowl or under a lampshade?
or on the shelf beside the bed
where at night you lay turning
like a door on it's hinges,
first on your left side
then on your right side
then your left side again.
why burn poor and lonely?
tell all the stones,
'we're gonna make a building!'
we'll be cut into shape
and set into place
or if you'd rather be a window
i'll gladly be the frame
reflecting any kind words
we'll let in all the blame
and ruin our reputation all the same
so nevermind our plan-making
we'll start living!
anyway aren't you unbearably sad?
then why burn so poor and lonely?!?
we'll be like torches together
hand in hand.
why pluck one string?
what good is just one note?
one string is fine i guess
but we were once 'one notes'
we were lonely wheat
quietly ground into grain
it was a light and momentary pain.
so why this safe distance?
this curious look?
why tear out single pages
when you can throw away the book?
why pluck one string
when you can strum the guitar?
strum the guitar!
strum the guitar with no beginning!
with no end!
take down the guitar
and strum the guitar!
strum the guitar if you're afraid!
and i'm afraid !
and everyone's afraid!
and everyone knows it.
but we don't have to be afraid...anymore."
