just tryin' to look good

i'm thinking a lot about beauty lately. what it really means to be beautiful in God's eyes. we seem to try so hard to look good, but at the end of the day do we really? do we look beautiful to the people who matter? to God and those who share His vision? i was looking at some photo's on magnum's site and came across this one:


i think this photo portrays well all of the effort that goes into looking good when you just end up looking ridiculous and paying insane amounts of money on a crazy dress that doesn't fit, is uncomfortable, you will never wear it again, and you'll just get a stain on it anyway (it is only temporary).

the definition of beauty has become something that i am re-evaluating daily. will shaving my legs, wearing makeup, and buying "nice" clothes really make me happy? or am i just buying into the lie. the lie that i have to buy these products to feel good about myself...to be presentable...to be legitimate or professional...to attract the opposite sex (this is a big one). advertisements for products claim to provide these things, but God can fill the wholes that products can't.

truthfully, i may buy into these lies more than i'd like to think that i do.

i <3 bf

i am truly embracing my new life in beaver falls. there are some great people here, and i'm having some very unique experiences that would only happen here in this defunct steel town. here is a list of the things i love about my new hometown:

-everyone here hangs out on their porch. i actually have the opportunity to meet my neighbors.

-things are in walking distance: oram's donuts, china wok, salvation army (a.k.a. my fab job), the geneva library, athens greek food, the carnegie library, the post office, and of course my beloved bfcat. who needs a car?!?

-eating dinners with people. sunday dinners with the city house crew, and making rice and beans with cait! food sharing is one of my favorite things.

-being near the train and the river

-the closeness of pittsburgh, so many fun things there!

-watching polo in darlington. where else in the world does this happen?!?

-being in close proximity to the college. also, being surrounded with people who like to talk about liberal-artsy things.

-my awesome house.

-wing night. i am truly embracing western, pa. yes yinzers, wing night is a western pa thing. i also say "pop" instead of "soda" now. it wasn't intentional...it just happened.

loving life.
pray i keep on top of things and get a steady job.

appropriately enough - the song i'm loving right now is called "home" by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros (thanks for telling me about them ash!)

what i ponder on my day off

the lies of the world are exposed. i see them in every crevice of this sinful place. although there is much beauty to be found here, it is evident that something has gone horribly awry. the more i learn about the God who created this place – who He is and what He intended - the more i realize just how terrible things are. this is certainly not what His kingdom should look like.

how can we be expected to live out a righteous life in this setting? i suppose Christ did it. but for me this is impossible. the world does not permit me to live righteously. everything is just too messed up.

now i talk as if i’m some sort of victim. as if my sin doesn’t affect the state of the world. i cause this problem. my own lies.

i look around me and i see a world that is broken – but hopeful. waiting for the redemption that only God can bring to His creation.

My God - expose the lies daily, replace them with Truth. i will live in anticipation of Your coming. i know it is impossible to live as You ask – to be the servant of all – but i will try, and strive to know Truth rather than buy into the lies of satan and the temptations of sin.

kingdom ethics

Jesus words continually blow my mind:

blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
blessed are those who mourn,
for they shall be comforted.
blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth.
blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be filled
blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy.
blessed are the pure in heart,
for they shall see God.
blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called Sons of God.
blessed are those who are persecuted for rightousness sake,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.


God help me try to live this in a sinful world.

observation

if i don't drive around the park,
i'm pretty sure to make my mark.
if i'm in bed each night by ten,
i may get back my looks again.
if i abstain from fun and such,
i'll probably amount to much;
but i shall stay the way i am,
because i do not give a damn.

when i read dorothy parker, i remember that it doesn't matter what anybody thinks of me. it only matters what God thinks...

...and i think He likes me.

anabaptists, capitalists, communists, libertarians, anarchists, and more!

i really like to have my ideas more developed before i post them. but i thought for the sake of tracking my thoughts over time that i would post some things i'm thinking about right now, and then maybe on this blog i can track some of the progressions in my thought. the issue at hand: the kind of government i want to support, and what a christian's role in that government should be.

some thoughts:

- God and i have had some long, difficult conversations over the years about whether or not pacifism is a good thing, and after these conversations i am thoroughly convinced that i (along with all true followers of Christ) should be entirely non-violent. the big problem this is bringing up for me now is that, because our government only has power by utilizing force or the threat of force, how can i support any form of government? this makes anarchism seem like a good route.

- obviously everyone is not a follower of Christ, and some form of government is needed to keep things in line. the anabaptist view (to which i often tend to agree) says that christians should not be involved in government at all, except that they should obey laws that do not expressly cause one to sin as to keep people from saying things like "oh those christians, always speeding"(see Romans 13). but they should not vote or take any government office. in this view those who are not believers need government because we are in a fallen world, but it is not for christians.

- christians have a command to love our neighbor, namely the poor. what is the best way to do this? economically speaking, i feel the best method to do this is communism (true communism, not a dictatorship disguised as communism as one might see in china). however, christians being involved in a communist government is a far cry from an anarchist or an anabaptist view. but also, the ideal christian communities that are described by anarchists and anabaptists often reflect something like communism, but that is only amongst christians.

- i am increasingly disturbed by the fact that the people that are elected as presidents of america are those that have the funding from large corporations. often they are corporations that have mistreated their workers. these people are clearly more concerned about profit than about who would be a good person to uphold the constitution, which gives workers their rights. this is the kind of thing that is bred in this free market, capitalist system. an average jo that is better at the job of running the executive branch will never be president because it is the corporations that dictate who the candidates are.

- the smaller scale the communities are, the better they seem to be economically. i am not a huge fan of globalism. it takes jobs away from communities that need them. this brings up one thing i can appreciate about libertarians (despite their blatant affirmation of capitalism). they understand that a state government should have much more of a role in its community than the federal government. although, i would say there should be a lot more power for more smaller local governments to say what happens in their communities (ex// county, city, town governments).


a couple of thoughts. nothing cohesive or comprehensive. i am frustrated, but trusting God to reveal His will to me so that i can know how i can live to please Him and love my neighbor.

messes of men

"i do not exist,"
we faithfully insist
sailing in our separate ships, and in each tiny caravel -

tiring of trying,
there's a necessary dying
like the horseshoe crab in its proper season sheds its shell.

such distance from our friends,
like a scratch across a lens,
made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood

and our paper blew away
before we'd left the bay
so half-blind we wrote these songs on sheets of salty wood.

you caught me making eyes
at the other boatmen's wives
and heard me laughing louder at the jokes told by their daughters

i'd set my course for land,
but you well understand
it takes a steady hand to navigate adulterous waters

the propeller's spinning blades
held acquaintance with the waves
as there's mistakes i've made no rowing could outrun

the cloth low on the mast
like to say i've got no past
but i'm nonetheless the librarian and secretary's son

with tarnish on my brass
and mildew on my glass
i'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me

but a few leagues off the shore,
i bit a flashing lure
and i assure you, it was not what it expected it to be!

i still taste its kiss,
that dull hook in my lip
is a memory as useless as a rod without a reel
to an anchor-ever-dropped-seasick-yet-still-docked captain spotted napping with his first mate at the wheel

floating forgetfully along,
with no need to be strong.
we keep our confessions long and when we pray we keep it short

I DRANK A THIMBLE OF FIRE AND I'M NOT EVER GOING BACK! OH MY GOD!

"i do not exist,"
we faithfully insist
while watching sink the heavy ship of everything we knew

if ever you come near
i'll hold up high a mirror
Lord, i could never show you anything as beautiful as You