lack of a computer...

...means a lack of posts.

but here's a short list of some things that i have been learning to love recently:

snowball fights, frankness, compline, western asceticism, poetry readings, out-of-towners, loony tunes, a nice snow walk, and that beer i tried that tastes just like fruity pebbles

some things i've been hating lately:

money orders, vehicles stuck in snow, training videos, drinking games, orchestrating events over the phone, and judgmental people.

hope for a tree

i think the phase of disillusionment i've been going through is finally over. today i put the nail in the coffin. my pessimism is dead and forgotten. now i cling to hope. reading revelation at college hill anglican fellowship today is really what did it. Revelation 21 says:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

And he who was seated on the throne said, "Behold, I am making all things new." Also he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.

rev. mike talked about hope, a message i certainly needed to hear. how could i possibly be pessimistic after a sermon like that? i can't wait for the kingdom of God to come in it's fullness, and i love that God is using me in the process...that i get to be part of it all.

job 14:7 says, "At least there is hope for a tree: If it is cut down, it will sprout again, and it's new shoots will not fail."

all is vanity

To catch a firefly one must figure out where the heck it’s at. It’s hard to tell when it’s in its non-glowing state. I run after it frantically, then earnestly reach out for it – fingers outstretched to the sky - and I jump for it when my arms can’t extend any farther. Something about them enraptures me.

I have a goal. I need to catch it. I want to feel it crawling on my hand. Finally, the hard work pays off. At last sweet success! I must keep it close. I cup my hands around it and part them just enough so that I can see go: Dark. Light. Dark. Light. All this mystery between my fingers.

It doesn’t end there, of course. I must observe this wonder without fear that it will escape from me. A clear bell jar does the trick. The lid has purposeful holes punched through the top; these holes are large enough for air to enter the jar and small enough that my luminescent prize has no hope of escape.

Then I sit back and I lie down. The jar is on my nightstand, my head is on my pillow and my body is turned on its side. I am satisfied and I feel this moment, now, is the reward for my hard work and diligence. Oh, it is magic. It goes in a repetitious pattern. Dark, then glorious light, then dark again.

This continues for a long while. The treasure that once captured my attention has now become commonplace, merely part of the scenery in my room. The chase after this insect has tired me out. I stop all my thinking. Sleep. In the morning my firefly that I sought after with such ambition lies dead, no fire at all.

Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

All that my eyes desired I did not refuse them I did not withhold my heart from any pleasure, for my heart was pleased because of all my labor and this was my reward for all my labor.

Thus I considered all my activities which my hands had done and the labor which I had exerted, and behold all was vanity and striving after wind and there was no profit under the sun.

about Jesus

some lyrics from page france's song "chariot".
so beautiful.

swing
come and carry us
come and marry us
to the blushing circus king
now he's one of us
plays the tambourine
breaks the bread for us
and sings
will you wait for us?
will you stay for us?
well your grace is everything
you're a wrecking ball
with a heart of gold
we will wait for it to swing
like a chariot
swing it low for us
come and carry us away

the sun and the moon are my Father's eyes

the sun

the sun reminds me of God's holiness.

"...everyone seems aware of this strange, powerful taboo, that we all walk about carefully averting our faces, this way and that, lest our eyes be blasted forever."
--annie dillard, pilgrim at tinker creek

the moon

i often wonder...if there were no artificial lights out at night, how much would we be able to see with only the light of the moon and the stars? it is not often that one finds oneself if a position to observe pure moonlight.

tonight i saw a glimpse. i walked up on my porch and there was no porch light on (unusual). on the concrete in front of my door i saw a patch of blueish-gray light. could this be? i thought finally a glimpse of moonlight! sure enough, i searched for the light source and found a nearly full moon...i'm at a loss for the techical term, the "phase" i think they call it (not important).

what a blessing! that our porch light, which we usually keep on, would be off tonight, and that the sky would be clear. that blueish-gray color. i needed to see something beautiful, i've been too despairing and negative as of late.


canticle of brother sun

Most High, all-powerful, all-good Lord,
All praise is Yours, all glory, honor and blessings.
To you alone, Most High, do they belong;
no mortal lips are worthy to pronounce Your Name.

We praise You, Lord, for all Your creatures,
especially for Brother Sun,
who is the day through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendor,
of You Most High, he bears your likeness.

We praise You, Lord, for Sister Moon and the stars,
in the heavens you have made them bright, precious and fair.

--saint francis of assisi

not tired at all

insomnia is a fickle friend who seems benign. it keeps me up doing pointless activities like making playlists that don't have a theme you can put a name to - but you just know when a song has that special sound that qualifies it for a click and drag. and yet i do this with the knowledge that all planned activities for the coming day are ruined.

on a slightly strange and related note, i found myself listening to elliott smith's song "2:45am" at exactly 2:45am. i looked at the time on the corner of my computer screen all "wouldn't that be funny if...wait just one dang second...no...freakin'...way". i felt the immediate need to tell someone, but since my friends have much less erratic sleep schedules there is no one immediately available. so i decided to tell my blog instead. too bad my blog can't say "that is sooo weird!" back to me like caitlin would or "lmfao" like krista would.

can the rest of the world not be resting right now?
wake up and hang out with me.
we would have so much fun!

it's a slow walk

beaver falls (and other surrounding defunct steel towns) have a difficult road to economic recovery ahead. sometimes things seem so hopeless. will i ever be able to walk around town at night alone? will the churches on sunday ever be as full as the bars are on friday nights? will we know and help our neighbors? will we be known for being a town of compassionate contributing members of society rather than addicts and prostitutes? could these things possibly happen? but in my lifetime?

the song “slow walk” by hurray for the riff raff

“well nevermind that
i’m gonna go downtown
i’ve got a two dollar bill
and a girl who hangs around
well it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top

my old man says
i ain’t been the same
since that bad tom feelin’
got into my brain
it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top

you stick the needle in your arm
and the baby starts crying
you stick the needle in your arm
well there ain’t no denying
that it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top

well I ain’t as bright
as the sun when it shines
when you say you forgive me
i start to believe that it’s a lie”

i will remain hopeful.