and still we struggle

i know that these song lyrics keep coming up, but lets face it: i'm not that great of a blogger. the truth is that some people are more gifted at expressing the deepest of all human thoughts and emotions in an artistic and creative manner. here is another song from mewithoutYou. this is my favorite song ever. to emphasize what the song means to me i put some explanatory notes in parenthesis. i can relate a lot to this song and it is a great picture of God's grace and deliverance.

tie me up! untie me! by mewithoutYou

i was looking at the leaves
climbing to the tops of the trees
but You were nowhere to be found.
(here the speaker looks for God, but can't seem to find Him)

just beneath all the green You were buried like a little seed.
among the roots and underground.
(...but he wasn't looking in the right places)

i was licking at the leaves,
but i was in short sleeves and You,
You were like some sickness that i caught.
(when he found God, He took him over like sickness)

my sweetheart moved away
swept off like garbage in the alleyway
(the things of the world were no longer important)

and i need more grace than i thought,
because brother i'm far away from everything good.
(he realizes his nature and how far he is from the holiness of God)

she's like a hot cloth on a fevered head,
and like a needle she leads me,
oh i follow like thread,
(the world calls him back away from God, and it is so easy to follow it's voice)

tie me up! untie me!
all this wishing i was dead
its getting old, its getting old
it goes on,
but its old.
(he is torn between his old thoughts, like those of suicide, and his new life with God)

i was swimming through the waves
for what must have been days,
but could find no relief.
(we return to the speakers quest for God, he cannot find happiness in the world)

and when i started sinking down
i thought for certain i would drown
until i saw You in the ocean underneath.
(God rescues him from "drowning"--related to thoughts of suicide expressed throughout this song)


all the bright colored fish tell
of a treasure in a dull shell,
"such subtlety so easily missed!"
(again, God is in an unexpected place, and he is reminded of God's beauty)

You, my hidden pearl of pure and perfect Love,
and i'm the living example of 100%
the OPPOSITE of this!
(he realizes how far he is from the holiness of God)

she's like a hot cloth on a fevered head
and like a needle she leads me,
oh i follow like thread.
but You untied me!
didn't You untie me Lord?
and now i haven't even though about killing myself
in almost five months.
(but God rescues him from the trap of the world and his own detrimental thoughts)

i am reminded again of a jars of clay song that i put in a previous post, "i have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work". it is so easy to die and not think about anything. the challenging, yet more rewarding thing, is to live life with God despite the difficulties the world presents.

"she" is the world, what we can't seem to let go. God "untied" us from the things of this world that hold us back. He conquered death and everything that goes with it. We've been set free. Praise God!

my life right now in two songs

work by jars of clay

just in case
i will leave my things packed
so i can run away.
i cannot trust these voices.

i don't have a line of prospects
that can give some kind of peace.
there is nothing left to cling to
that can bring me sweet release.

i have no fear of drowning,
it's the breathing that's taking all this work.

do you know what i mean when i say, "i don't want to be alone"?
what i mean when i say, "i don't want to be alone"?

empty spaces
with shadows hit by streetlights
warning signs and weight
of tired conversations

in the absence of a shoulder
in the abscess of a thief
on the brink of this destruction
on the eve of bittersweet

now all the demons look like prophets
and i'm living out
every word they speak
every word they speak

do you know what i mean when i say, "i don't want to be alone"?

I have no fear of drowning
Its the breathing that's taking all this work


c-minor by mewithoutYou

our house wrapped in disrepair,
a small mouse peeked out from a hole beneath the stairs
nearby to where my dad sat in his favorite chair,
thinking about the government and muttering a prayer
so i scattered some oats in hopes she'd stay
then sat still to stop from scaring her away -
but she hurried on her little way
and scurried around my mind
ever since,
every day.

Open wide my door, My Lord, my Lord.
to whatever makes me love You more.

i'm water, you're the drywood
equal parts misguided and misunderstood
but all the neighborhood
watched a fire burn from where they stood
as the smoke said,
"we're not half as bad as God is good"
still there's a whisper in my ear,
the voice of loneliness and fear, so i say:
"devil, disappear!
i'm still (ehh...technically...) a virgin
after 27 years -
which never bothered me before,
what's maybe 50 more?

Open wide my door,
My Lord, my Lord.
Open wide my door,
to whatever makes me love you more.

she came back for the oat,
but she brought along a "friend"
(this never ends)
the harder the rain,
the lower the flowers in the garden bend
(this never ends)
i'd rather never talk again
than to continue to pretend
(this never ends)

IT NEVER ENDS!
IT NEVER ENDS!