the sun
the sun reminds me of God's holiness.
"...everyone seems aware of this strange, powerful taboo, that we all walk about carefully averting our faces, this way and that, lest our eyes be blasted forever."
--annie dillard, pilgrim at tinker creek
the moon
i often wonder...if there were no artificial lights out at night, how much would we be able to see with only the light of the moon and the stars? it is not often that one finds oneself if a position to observe pure moonlight.
tonight i saw a glimpse. i walked up on my porch and there was no porch light on (unusual). on the concrete in front of my door i saw a patch of blueish-gray light. could this be? i thought finally a glimpse of moonlight! sure enough, i searched for the light source and found a nearly full moon...i'm at a loss for the techical term, the "phase" i think they call it (not important).
what a blessing! that our porch light, which we usually keep on, would be off tonight, and that the sky would be clear. that blueish-gray color. i needed to see something beautiful, i've been too despairing and negative as of late.
canticle of brother sun
Most High, all-powerful, all-good Lord,
All praise is Yours, all glory, honor and blessings.
To you alone, Most High, do they belong;
no mortal lips are worthy to pronounce Your Name.
We praise You, Lord, for all Your creatures,
especially for Brother Sun,
who is the day through whom You give us light.
And he is beautiful and radiant with great splendor,
of You Most High, he bears your likeness.
We praise You, Lord, for Sister Moon and the stars,
in the heavens you have made them bright, precious and fair.
--saint francis of assisi
Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
not tired at all
insomnia is a fickle friend who seems benign. it keeps me up doing pointless activities like making playlists that don't have a theme you can put a name to - but you just know when a song has that special sound that qualifies it for a click and drag. and yet i do this with the knowledge that all planned activities for the coming day are ruined.
on a slightly strange and related note, i found myself listening to elliott smith's song "2:45am" at exactly 2:45am. i looked at the time on the corner of my computer screen all "wouldn't that be funny if...wait just one dang second...no...freakin'...way". i felt the immediate need to tell someone, but since my friends have much less erratic sleep schedules there is no one immediately available. so i decided to tell my blog instead. too bad my blog can't say "that is sooo weird!" back to me like caitlin would or "lmfao" like krista would.
can the rest of the world not be resting right now?
wake up and hang out with me.
we would have so much fun!
on a slightly strange and related note, i found myself listening to elliott smith's song "2:45am" at exactly 2:45am. i looked at the time on the corner of my computer screen all "wouldn't that be funny if...wait just one dang second...no...freakin'...way". i felt the immediate need to tell someone, but since my friends have much less erratic sleep schedules there is no one immediately available. so i decided to tell my blog instead. too bad my blog can't say "that is sooo weird!" back to me like caitlin would or "lmfao" like krista would.
can the rest of the world not be resting right now?
wake up and hang out with me.
we would have so much fun!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
it's a slow walk
beaver falls (and other surrounding defunct steel towns) have a difficult road to economic recovery ahead. sometimes things seem so hopeless. will i ever be able to walk around town at night alone? will the churches on sunday ever be as full as the bars are on friday nights? will we know and help our neighbors? will we be known for being a town of compassionate contributing members of society rather than addicts and prostitutes? could these things possibly happen? but in my lifetime?
the song “slow walk” by hurray for the riff raff
“well nevermind that
i’m gonna go downtown
i’ve got a two dollar bill
and a girl who hangs around
well it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top
my old man says
i ain’t been the same
since that bad tom feelin’
got into my brain
it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top
you stick the needle in your arm
and the baby starts crying
you stick the needle in your arm
well there ain’t no denying
that it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top
well I ain’t as bright
as the sun when it shines
when you say you forgive me
i start to believe that it’s a lie”
i will remain hopeful.
the song “slow walk” by hurray for the riff raff
“well nevermind that
i’m gonna go downtown
i’ve got a two dollar bill
and a girl who hangs around
well it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top
my old man says
i ain’t been the same
since that bad tom feelin’
got into my brain
it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top
you stick the needle in your arm
and the baby starts crying
you stick the needle in your arm
well there ain’t no denying
that it’s a slow walk
from the bottom to the top
well I ain’t as bright
as the sun when it shines
when you say you forgive me
i start to believe that it’s a lie”
i will remain hopeful.
Friday, October 16, 2009
library drama
so now that i'm on the job hunt, i spend a good amount of my time at the geneva college library. well, i was on a search for some commentaries the other day and i stumbled upon some incredible books that i just had to check out! the first was called "soren kierkegaard's christian psychology"!!! my heart leapt out of my chest when i read that title. it's by a guy named evans (some readers may recall his other book "wisdom and humanness in psychology", a good read). then i came upon "the wisdom of the desert" by thomas merton. it's a collection of little stories told by the christian desert fathers! wow-wee!
getting back to the original story...i went to check out these books and pay a fine for a past book i checked out only to have geneva's lovely librarian come up and tell me that i can't check out books anymore (she realized i'm an alumni and not a student) unless i want to pay thirty bucks a year! which i don't. lucky for me just the day before this incident a secured a library card at beaver falls' very own carnegie library downtown. i won't go off on a tangent here about my strong dislike for andrew carnegie. i was really forced to go to this library because geneva's library didn't have "the promise" by chaim potok which i'm reading for dr.mat's awesome book study!
anyway, i got absorbed in that merton book yesterday so here are a couple of tales from the desert fathers:
A brother in Scete happened to commit a fault, and the elders assembled, and sent for Abbot Moses to join them. He, however, did not want to come. The priest sent him a message, saying: Come, the community of the bretheren is waiting for you. So he arose and started off. And taking with him a very old basket full of holes, he filled it with sand, and carried it behind him. The elders came out to meet him, and said: What is this, Father? The elder replied: My sins are running out behind me, and I do not see them, and today I come to judge the sins of another! They hearing this, said nothing to the brother but pardoned him.
One of the bretheren had been insulted by another and he wanted to take revenge. He came to Abbot Sisois and told him what had taken place, saying: I am going to get even, Father. But the elder besought him to leave the affair in the hands of God. No, said the brother, I will not give up until I have made that fellow pay for what he said. Then the elder stood up and began to pray in these terms: O God, Thou art no longer necessary to us, and we no longer need Thee to take care of us since, as this brother says, we both can and will avenge ourselves. At this the brother promised to give up his idea of revenge.
Abbot Lot came to Abbot Joseph and said: Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as I am able I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts: now what more should i do? The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire. He said: Why not be totally changed into fire?
getting back to the original story...i went to check out these books and pay a fine for a past book i checked out only to have geneva's lovely librarian come up and tell me that i can't check out books anymore (she realized i'm an alumni and not a student) unless i want to pay thirty bucks a year! which i don't. lucky for me just the day before this incident a secured a library card at beaver falls' very own carnegie library downtown. i won't go off on a tangent here about my strong dislike for andrew carnegie. i was really forced to go to this library because geneva's library didn't have "the promise" by chaim potok which i'm reading for dr.mat's awesome book study!
anyway, i got absorbed in that merton book yesterday so here are a couple of tales from the desert fathers:
A brother in Scete happened to commit a fault, and the elders assembled, and sent for Abbot Moses to join them. He, however, did not want to come. The priest sent him a message, saying: Come, the community of the bretheren is waiting for you. So he arose and started off. And taking with him a very old basket full of holes, he filled it with sand, and carried it behind him. The elders came out to meet him, and said: What is this, Father? The elder replied: My sins are running out behind me, and I do not see them, and today I come to judge the sins of another! They hearing this, said nothing to the brother but pardoned him.
One of the bretheren had been insulted by another and he wanted to take revenge. He came to Abbot Sisois and told him what had taken place, saying: I am going to get even, Father. But the elder besought him to leave the affair in the hands of God. No, said the brother, I will not give up until I have made that fellow pay for what he said. Then the elder stood up and began to pray in these terms: O God, Thou art no longer necessary to us, and we no longer need Thee to take care of us since, as this brother says, we both can and will avenge ourselves. At this the brother promised to give up his idea of revenge.
Abbot Lot came to Abbot Joseph and said: Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as I am able I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts: now what more should i do? The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire. He said: Why not be totally changed into fire?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
can't even handle it
ouch! my worldview hurts!
i just finished reading christopher lasch's "the culture of narcissism: american life in an age of diminishing expectations". oh dear. just a bit overwhelming. most definitly worthy of sharing. i picked out a couple of characteristics of the culture of narcissism that lasch describes (keep in mind that these are all characteristics of american culture. it is hard to pinpoint a cause for the phenomena because all of these symptoms perpetuate the narcissistic pathology):
- hyper-self awareness which is perpetuated by technology. the idea that we are constantly being watched. everyone seems to develop a sort of stage presence
- people look to therapists rather than consulting religion when trying to cope with life circumstances
- people search for peace and purpose by pursuing fame and wealth
- there is a pervasive inabliity to connect with others. consumer captitalism tells us to avoid dependence on others which may create a lack of meaningful personal relationships and a neglect of public life
- common diagnosis of personality disorders, but this is only an extreme of the culture's pathology as a whole
- schools usurp authority, taking it away from parents
- selling yourself to succeed; soon interpersonal relations become only a means of self-advancement
- the "self" becomes merely an "image"-what others see us as
- apotheosis of the individual
- consumers can never be satisfied because corporations create needs (new forms of unhappiness) through advertising propaganda. celebrity becomes impossible to achieve
- politics become spectacle-complete with incomprehensible jargon. this (amongst many other things) can lead to a lack of trust in authority figures
- the degradation of the family: an absent father, a castrating wife, and unsubmissive children.
that's a pretty good analysis of our culture coming from someone who was writing in 1978. that was only a little taste of the book, but it is a must read. lasch makes some very important observations and links them together well. there are a number of excellent points in this book meshed in with a good bit of freudian nonsense. lasch explains this culture in psychoanalytic terms...and i am just not convinced. i have to believe there is a better explanation for the phenomena that lasch notices other than a freudian explanation. that being said...i learned a lot.
my reading list is pushing me even further into depression. but you know what? i welcome it. the saying "ignorance is bliss" may be true to a certain extent, but ignorance certainly won't help change the world. i guess i'd rather be depressed, and yet hold onto the hope of something better. that City on a Hill. i suppose now's the time to be Salt and Light...whilst we're stuck in this culture of narcissism.
God help us.
i just finished reading christopher lasch's "the culture of narcissism: american life in an age of diminishing expectations". oh dear. just a bit overwhelming. most definitly worthy of sharing. i picked out a couple of characteristics of the culture of narcissism that lasch describes (keep in mind that these are all characteristics of american culture. it is hard to pinpoint a cause for the phenomena because all of these symptoms perpetuate the narcissistic pathology):
- hyper-self awareness which is perpetuated by technology. the idea that we are constantly being watched. everyone seems to develop a sort of stage presence
- people look to therapists rather than consulting religion when trying to cope with life circumstances
- people search for peace and purpose by pursuing fame and wealth
- there is a pervasive inabliity to connect with others. consumer captitalism tells us to avoid dependence on others which may create a lack of meaningful personal relationships and a neglect of public life
- common diagnosis of personality disorders, but this is only an extreme of the culture's pathology as a whole
- schools usurp authority, taking it away from parents
- selling yourself to succeed; soon interpersonal relations become only a means of self-advancement
- the "self" becomes merely an "image"-what others see us as
- apotheosis of the individual
- consumers can never be satisfied because corporations create needs (new forms of unhappiness) through advertising propaganda. celebrity becomes impossible to achieve
- politics become spectacle-complete with incomprehensible jargon. this (amongst many other things) can lead to a lack of trust in authority figures
- the degradation of the family: an absent father, a castrating wife, and unsubmissive children.
that's a pretty good analysis of our culture coming from someone who was writing in 1978. that was only a little taste of the book, but it is a must read. lasch makes some very important observations and links them together well. there are a number of excellent points in this book meshed in with a good bit of freudian nonsense. lasch explains this culture in psychoanalytic terms...and i am just not convinced. i have to believe there is a better explanation for the phenomena that lasch notices other than a freudian explanation. that being said...i learned a lot.
my reading list is pushing me even further into depression. but you know what? i welcome it. the saying "ignorance is bliss" may be true to a certain extent, but ignorance certainly won't help change the world. i guess i'd rather be depressed, and yet hold onto the hope of something better. that City on a Hill. i suppose now's the time to be Salt and Light...whilst we're stuck in this culture of narcissism.
God help us.
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