baby steps

Jesus taught me something today as i was moving out of my apartment. i thought it might be worth sharing. so i was grumbling while i was cleaning my bathroom thinking how no matter what i did to it, it was going to be a lot cleaner than when i first moved in. then i thought about my stupid landlady, and her stupid beard, and that she never fixed anything we called her about, and how this was such a crappy apartment…etc. well, i had moved on to cleaning the toilet, and i had a "brilliant" idea! i'll half-ass it! i mean really, i have every excuse to not clean this toliet thoroughly, my landlady has been so lame! why should i do her any favors?!? this toilet was disgusting, but it is already cleaner than it was when i moved in, so why should i clean it more?

this is where the Holy Spirit stopped me.

Colossians 3:23-24 came to mind, “In whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ”. i felt instant shame. am i not commanded to love my neighbor…and even my enemies? and after all didn’t Christ say that what i do to the least of these i do to Him also (Matthew 25:40)? and isn’t even my bearded landlady made in the image of my God? shouldn’t i be doing all things excellently and for His glory? ..."yes, indeed" was the answer to each question.

i chose not to shrug off the Holy Spirit this time. i scrubbed that toilet as if i knew that Jesus Christ Himself would be returning in only a couple of hours, and He would want to sit on His porcelain throne when He got there. i even got that really icky spot behind the toilet on the floor. it was there when we moved in, but both jess and i avoided it because it was just gross, and you couldn’t really see it anyway because of it’s positioning behind the toilet. i know it sounds ridiculous, but cleaning that toilet was my “duty of the moment” (Catherine Doherty). Christ says my desire should be to become the “last of all, and servant of all” (Mark 9:45).

baby steps…

singing forgiveness songs in the city of brotherly love

so many cool things happened this weekend.

i drove down to philly with some lively people. it ended up being a fun, scenic drive. we stayed over some people’s house in the city. one of my favorite things in life is being with people are awesomely hospitable. they let me sleep in their bed and made me pancakes, and i used their shower. just nice people. Allah, Allah, Allah, in everyone we meet!

the next morning i left the fun people i came with and met up with kristin came from lancaster and we spent the day site-seeing. we went to the liberty bell…definitely an interesting experience…ironic that they used the liberty bell as a symbol to prompt people to buy war bonds. oh my. but i guess that’s why we have to blow up iraq huh? We have to bring liberty! ….okay political tangent over.

but then we went to the philadelphia museum of art. i took a lot of pictures on my phone of all the paintings of st.francis. he’s my favorite. other than that i especially liked the paintings that depicted crazy events that happened to royalty long ago in india. here’s a picture of my favorite one called, “Maharao Ram Singh II of Kota Riding His Horse on the Palace Roof”:


after the museum it was off to mewithoutYou’s c.d. release show! in line i saw a couple peeps from geneva, as well as a girl i used to babysit when i was in middle school! and it’s a small world after all. but what a show. despite the fact that kristin was surrounded by teenage boys that wanted to feel her up and i was surrounded by teenage girls that liked to elbow people for no reason, we both enjoyed the show. oh yeah, and there was also this other kid who i called “loud guy to our left” who kept yelling stupid things. people are crazy, i keep forgetting this. there was such a good vibe! and it was so cute the parents of the boys in the band (in their khaki shorts and button up shirts) were all there in the balcony watching. a fantastic time was had.

then i went home to lancaster and got to see my family. my grandparents even made a surprise visit! i was glad just to spend a little bit of time with them. i won’t get to see them very much since i’ll be living in the good ol’ bf.

here are some verses from the last song that mwY played at the show:

it doesn’t matter what you’ve done
It doesn’t matter what you’ve done
what effect is without a cause?
it doesn’t matter what you’ve done
now lay your faithless head down
in necessity’s Cotton Hand
there’s a Love that never changes
no matter what you’ve done.

or if you’re old man did you wrong
you’re old man did you wrong
if you’re old man did you wrong
maybe his old man did him wrong
if you care to sing forgiveness songs
come down and join our band
we’ll cut you like a Sword
and sing forgiveness songs!

it's all crazy! it's all false! it's all a dream! it's alright

school’s over.

let me just meditate on that statement for a little bit. i’m officially qualified. for what? i’m not sure exactly. i feel like just when i became really good at being a student, being a good student stopped mattering. not that i shouldn’t continue to learn, and educate myself, but in all practicality, i need a job that pays money. why? because that’s just what you do to survive in this world.

at this point, i have no career goals. i don’t know what Jesus wants me to do, so i’m just kind of waiting on Him to tell me. since break i’ve had the chance to do some not-so-required reading for once, and i chose to re-read kierkegaard’s “the sickness unto death”. kierkegaard says that “the self”, or the spirit, can not be truly understood unless it is in a relationship with “the other”, or Jesus. this does make a good bit of sense, after all how better for a created creature to understand itself than to understand it’s Creator. so i figure my “goal” should be to come to know my God more intimately and devote myself to learning more about Him and following His teachings.

this certainly does not mean that i do not continue to live life and get by with whatever jobs are out there waiting around for God’s call. i don’t care to be idle, and i don’t think laziness is something that Scripture encourages. but i will passionately seek a stronger relationship with God in addition to living my life in what may not be ideal circumstances. God may use these circumstances to show me where i should go with my "career" (i really don't like that word).

theoretically, this will give me more direction. or maybe He prefers me to be unsure, so i’m not relying on my own devices and i can wholeheartedly trust Him with my life.

this thought process has left me strangely content with a life that appears directionless when looking through the lenses of the world. i don’t have a job, or a place to live in the near future…and I’m okay with that.

we are either immortal horrors or everlasting splendors

and again, c.s. lewis has something interesting to say. today i decided that his essay "the weight of glory" is one of the more beautiful things i've read in my life. and of course, it speaks to me personally.

for the first bit of the essay he talks about the struggles of daily obedience to Christ. he reminds me of how i view the christian life, how obedience to God often begins to feel like a mundane task that must be accomplished to maintain a sense of generativity and to keep myself from the terrible things of this world. but then lewis says something very interesting indeed, "Meanwhile the cross comes before the crown and tomorrow is a Monday morning. A cleft has opened in the pitiless walls of the world, and we are invited to follow our great Captian inside. The following Him is, of course the essential point." following Christ is so much more crazy and adventurous than i tend to make it sound.

lewis then talks about the incredible job of loving one's neighbor, "It may be possible for each to think too much of his own potential glory hereafter; it is hardly possible for him to think too often or too deeply about that of his neighbour. The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbour's glory should be laid on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud wll be broken."

lewis then draws out the infinite importance of loving our neighbor, and treating them like the creatures that they really are, "There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal...it is immortals who we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit-immortal horrors, or everlasting splendors. This does not mean we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously-no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner-no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbor he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat-the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself is truly hidden."

God, help me to view people this way.
as your creations,
bound for horror or splendor.