Well, I must say being at Geneva, I have kind of been made to feel like I am an old maid already because it is my senior year of college and I am not in a serious relationship that is on the brink of marriage. And apparently, according to an article I had to read for my Psychology of Gender class, "...men make positive gains after marrying, while all types of singles...experience accumulating declines over time"(VanLeeuwen). Great. The longer I am single it seems, the more likely I will be to experience an array of unpleasant side-effects caused by lonliness (ex//depression, lack of purpose, etc.). On top of this, it is my own personal suspicion that this effect would be worse for women because of thier tendency to be more social (whether that is because of biology or it has been socially constructed). All of the sudden I find myself on the lookout for any guy willing to give me a shot so that I can save myself from this imminent doom.
Despite this imminent doom, I was able to glean a bit of comfort from the author of the article I read (VanLeeuwen is the author. She is a really great psychologist I've been learning a lot from, don't neccessarily agree with everything, but I am learning a lot). In this piece she states, "Marriage is neither an essential nor a superior state for the realization of Christian maturity and service"(VanLeeuwen). That sure is a relief. After all, a single life is actually more encouraged in the Bible over marriage. See 1 Corinthians 7. So why is there so much pressure to enter into this institution amongst Christians? Although I see the value in marriage, I cannot help thinking that marriage is not the only kind of Biblical institution that can create the kind of benefits that marriage creates. I think that even more than marriage, God created us for community.
I can really see how people might become depressed if they remain single. It has been difficult for me, as of late, to see my friends all being married off. In the past it has been easy to be single, because there is always a friend available to be with. As more and more of my friends get married, thier priorities will be different, which is okay, but it might leave me with a feeling of lonliness as my number of available friends decreases. I believe that God created Christians to live in a community, married or unmarried. Single Christians should not feel the burden of loneliness if they are surrounded by a healthy Church community. It simply should not happen.
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I've entered into this state of mind/phase of difficulty in life over a year ago and it's still something I struggle with. After hours upon hours upon hours upon...well you get the picture...I've set myself on the mindset that there SHOULD be nothing to gain from a relationship that you cannot give yourself. Among many other things, marriage offers companionship, financial stability, children, and support. Of course these things are not always found in a marriage but these are the things that most people want to get out of marriage. But I don't understand why people need to be so dependent upon another person so much. So for the past year or so I've been trying to grow my character so that I don't have to depend upon someone else for those things. It is my belief that ideally, marriage should simply be instituted when one finds such compatibility and undying love and integrity that they choose/promise to live faithfully with one another. Now, this kind of love doesn't seem to be common. At least, I cannot imagine this kind of love between two people. Why most people get married is beyond me. Well, actually I have many theories to derive the purpose behind marriage, all which boil down to one's own lack of confidence and self-esteem. I applaud those who manage to stay single; those who have not settled, who have not succumbed to the loneliness that naturally plagues us for one reason or another.
So I understand where you're coming from when you say that you feel like an old maid. But remember what I said and remember that you are 21!! I know it may not feel like it, but there is ssooo much more life to live! You may have not found someone yet who is worth giving a major piece of your life to, but there is time. In the mean time, maybe focus on becoming the person you want to be. Perhaps that is someone who doesn't feel plagued with loneliness simply because it seems as though everyone around you is marrying off. This is a prominent issue that I've been dealing with, so I hope you realize that I'm not trying to critique you in any way, just be a friend to my best friend. And absolutely feel free to disregard this if it doesn't "find you well." <3
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